from the nook and corner of my mind...

What if someday you realize that u have been living a lie? That something which you believed in the most, something that you could swear by without an iota of doubt turns out to be a mirage. You reach out to embrace your faith, and you realize it is no longer there, it never was in the first place. It was a cruel delusion crafted by your fate. What if, by some strange mechanism, you are made to look at your life from a third person’s point of view, and you get to realize the disastrous decisions you have taken, the wrong people you have trusted, the happiness that you have evaded and the sorrows that you have willingly invited with your arms wide open. And quite frustratingly, you can do nothing to change your course of actions, only you see yourself walking towards an impending doom.

“You think a lot”… “God! Can you give your mind some rest”… “Hell, why do you have to get so hyper and worry uselessly”…Sigh! Being me is not so easy. I get to hear all of this so regularly. That is coz, I feel so pathetically messed up in the head sometimes. There are thoughts, so many of them, cramped up in every nook and corner of my mind that I feel lost. Then again, there usually is one thought that is the real trouble factor and I keep pushing it away as far as possible, thereby clouding my mind with unnecessary thoughts. And that is why, writing is of such immense help to me. I know however much I may obsess about something in my blog, there really isn’t anybody out there to say- “sreyashi…enough!!”

When you step into someone else’s shoes, do something that already been done by something before, being compared to your forerunner is the most obvious thing that happens. And I realized this some time back. I have had this realization some times before, but I guess those events did not hit me hard enough to write a blog. It is a scary feeling when you know that every action of yours has a precedent. You never really tire yourself thinking, if you have been able to reach the benchmark that inevitably exists in the minds of those around you. I donot think people mean to judge you, but comparisons happen so automatically that you know that you cannot escape them. And when u fail at something, it hurts you much much more than it should, coz there’s a lil voice in your mind that says- ‘may be, you should not be where you are..this isn’t your place’..