just jotting down...

I stood in my balcony for a few minutes just a while back. It is 11:45 at night. Outside, it was dark and very peaceful. The roads were reflecting the orange-ish light of the streetlamps, and the silhouettes of the trees on the roads in the dimly lit parts made for a very poetic atmosphere. Peace and calm was what I was searching for. And I wish I could stand outside forever. Sometimes I so resent the company of people around me. People, gadgets, loud noises, cluttered up rooms…I feel claustrophobic. I long for solitude and a soothing music in the background. Today is one such day.

I despise the way she can be so demeaning at times. I hate her prim n proper ways. I hate the way she is so sure of herself, so sure that whatever she does is good. I hate her nagging, her attitude of a control-freak..i should not be saying all this. N that is what I hate about myself..

A lovely rabindrasangeet is playing on my laptop. It soothes my distraught nerves..

O.P Ghai’s paediactrics is lying open in front of me. I haven’t studied much since the morning. The to-do stuff keeps piling up and I can never reach my target. I don’t feel like studying now. I have a ward-ending after 4 days. And I’ll effectively get half an evening to study for it next week coz of previously decided engagements that I’ll have to fulfill in the coming days.

I lost my temper at my sis. I apologized to her later on. I love her a lot. But I am bad to her. I hide a lot many things from her. She talks to me a lot. She wants me to do the same, yet I don’t. I wish I could write to her.