thoughts of a confused soul..

I am trying to arrange my thoughts here. I have been feeling very confused about my life for the past few months. This state has had an insidious onset with gradually progressing severity, with the complication of chronic depression setting in, and yes I forgot to mention radiation..well it is radiating into other relationships which are getting adversely affected.
The salient features or the doubts that have arisen are:

a. Am I in the right profession?
Now when I ask this question to myself, my first thought is, to simplify matters- like what can be defined as a ‘right profession’. Now I confess, the following thing might seem to be an infringement of copyright of a certain mr. ranchoddass chanchar- the right profession is when you are actually doing something that u enjoy doing, and that something should also provide you with a livelihood.

b. Now comes the next question- what am I good at, that can also be my profession?
Now some people are born talented, like they have a talent that sticks out a mile, and they don’t have a difficulty making a choice..like Mr. Shankar Mahadeven who quit engineering to be a singer and a composer. Then there are some people who have this amazing grooming that nurtures their talent to the point of that becoming their profession, like Ms. Shreya Ghoshal, who used to live in some godforsaken land and who used to hence travel many kilometers to train in singing..and who now has no doubt abt the fact that she is doing what she is destined to do.
Why am I just quoting the examples of singers? I dunno, but that bears no significance here. Now I belong to the third category of people who donot have any horridly blatant talent, but who aren’t duds at the same time. I can write, can take good photographs, am good at ‘managing’ or ‘organizing’ stuff, I can sing, and may be do a couple of other things as well. The point here is I am not extraordinarily talented in any one of the above mentioned things, such that I can say with conviction – ‘all right, this is what I want to do in life’..
I also understand this,that not all hobbies can or rather, should be turned into a profession.
Having said all of this, my question remains unanswered. I don’t know if I m good enough at doing something that can be my profession.

While I am still at this question, I’d like to make a couple of points.
1. I am sort of good at handling emotions, trying to figure out what is going on in someone’s mind. I have noticed that I keenly observe emotions, mind games, thoughts more minutely than anything else..i might miss a big hoarding on the road. So at one point of my medical sojourn, I had thought (I am not sure if I should be using present or past tense here), that I should think of psychiatry as my profession.
2. I like the ‘organizing’ aspect a lot. I like making plans and implementing them. I like bringing about changes. I liked working for the college fest; I like the ‘behind-the-stage’ challenges and excitement. I had hence thought of shifting to medical administration.

c. The next question is- why am I so dissatisfied with studying medicine?
Now there can be two reasons- one, I am not meant to be here.
Two, may be I am making a big deal of the study pressure. Maybe I am scared, more than what is required. I look at the brilliant students around me and assume I am not going to ever make it, or be a good doctor.
The fact is I am being promoted every year with okay grades, and there are many students who are of my league and perhaps I may not be the number one doc, but I will treat my patients well, and I will have a decent life. The problem is, I fail to see this logic most of the times and more importantly I tend to treat this logic as rubbish whenever I am scared or depressed.
During such weak moments, I tend to emphasise more on reason no.one- I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. May be I should have tried out my luck somewhere else. May be I should have given documentary film making a try.

d. now this question is nothing but rephrasing question. b, am I really doing what I should be doing? Will I make it as a doc? Am I making a big deal out of this?

This question still remains unanswered. Maybe in the course of life, I’ll find out. If I am lucky, I’ll be a doc 10 years down the line. If I am not, may be I’ll be driven to the point where I’ll have to quit this profession, and try out something else.